Another year. Gone.
I sit and reflect on 2010 and realize that it was a year for growth. A year that began brightly; seeing new horizons, listening to supersoul's cautions and empowerings, learning to step into my own skin. Association of high level devotees was a highlight. I learned that to become a deeper devotee of Krsna would require utter dependence on Krsna and deeper faith in the process of Bhakti yoga. These lessons came with tests. Was I supposed to pass? Fail? What were the passing marks for each test? Temptations to revisit worlds I lived in; disgust with my own self progress- especially after being drawn by causeless mercy to dedicate myself to Krsna's cause; Krsna's agenda.
The sound of an inner voice, an external force saying "wouldn't it be nice if..."
But we walked on knowing one thing- mercy is whats keeping us even standing. Mercy from those we offended, mercy from the Parampara, mercy from Mahaprabhu's loving decision to get us all back to his lotus association. Temptations called. I answered, but the other end of the line was blank- no response. Hello?.... hello? Then after a few minutes I realized, "thanks for not answering."
But with every dark, light follows. Mercy continued to flow. Convictions that dedication to teaching, to becoming an example, dedication to march back to Krsna, convictions deepened as I stared the other allurements right in the face and saw no future in them.
New friends were made. Good friends were made. Friends were lost. I'll understand why next year perhaps.
Trying to be spiritual isn't always filled with rainbows. There are clouds as well; uncertainties that leaves one feeling vulnerable. Vulnerable is good.
Now there's another 365 to look forward to.
"I know not what the future holds
of marvel or surprise
assured alone that life or death
God's mercy underlies"
So 2010 was filled with one underlying thing- MERCY
Mercy is always there, but its certain moments of reflection that help you see that its all mercy.
On this road back home, its all mercy that pushes us along.
To those I've met anew, perhaps we'll each other get to know.
To those I lost, either through mishaps, or death, it hurts. In the bigger picture, you're still there. I see you.
Forgive me my offenses. Please.
And when tomorrow comes, Scream in, Breathe out!
Happy 2011.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
And that was my impression
When we first meet people or visit places, especially for a long term stay, the first few days can be a bit rocky, sketchy, uncertain. But as far as I have experienced in my travels, its a hard thing leaving once you've spent time with people.
Newfoundland is perhaps the most amazing place I've visited in a very long time. The Island is far enough removed from the "big city" atmosphere, and therefore the people are still "people." They walk right up to you, make friends, invite you in for tea, drive you if you need to go somewhere, and share everything with you. At least this was my experience. I went to visit one friend, and ended leaving many. As I associated with the open-mindedness of the residents of St. John's, I was relieved to know that somewhere in the western world there was still a place that reminded me of home. As a child I would watch my mother and other neighbors exchange gifts in the form of food, clothing, and other things; and so I thought the whole world did the same. It was not until I came to the place I now live (no name required, to be politically correct), that I first learned about racism, religious differences, etc.
Well the people of Newfoundland do not fit into this category. No. I was at home; making dinners for people I had just met, sending bowl fulls to the next door neighbors, etc. One neighbor, a retired High School teacher and his wife, a high school teacher were just so endearing. Neil (the husband) drove me around the city showing me places he frequented as a young man growing up in St. John's, the school his mother went to, the Basilica of St. John the Baptist, the Battery-a series of houses built on the side of a hill, Signal hill, and other nice places in St. Johns. Kathy had me speak to her class on Sacred writings in the Vedic culture, being a monk, and understanding divinity from different angles. The students were open to hearing, and also asked very intelligent questions.
One student who stole my heart was this young boy who, after I spoke, darted out behind us. When Kathy asked where he was going, he mentioned the bathroom. Neil and I left shortly after. That evening Kathy told me: "Kesava, you wouldn't believe what happened. Remember when I asked that boy where he was going? He went to his locker, but when he returned you had left. He came back with a handful of coins from his locker-- "where did he go?" He asked. They left, I said, and he became very sad. "I brought a donation for the monk." Well, he's not here, so put your donation in the box for the water fund drive. "No, I brought it for the monk, and I'll keep it until I see the monk again. I'm not giving another cent to that fun drive" "
Very touching. But this is Newfoundland. The people have a lot to teach, or reteach us about human relations.
On my flight back, I meditated on the prayers we say to our Spiritual Master everyday: Obeisances to you,who on Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati's order, are kindly teaching the message of Lord Caitanya to the western world, where the people are enamored with impersonalism and voidism. In other words, without personal relationship, we become lonely, and empty (impersonal and void).
Personal relationship can be cultivated when we give directly to one another instead of saying: " there's food on the table if anyone wants," or " yeah I got this, I don't need help." Personal relationships happen when we give up our fears that other living beings can harm us. No one can harm us. We are spiritual beings. I guess this will be the topic for my next blog...
One last thing. The Newfoundland adventure happened only due to the desire of one person, my friend Rikin, who lives there. So if one person can be used as a vessel to give Krsna, Imagine what we can all do if we decide to put sometime into giving Krsna to others. Put some time into being used as instruments for Krsna. Put our shopping list down for a second- " God, I want this, that and this, but how can I please you first?"
Rikin's endeavors ki Jay!
Newfoundland is perhaps the most amazing place I've visited in a very long time. The Island is far enough removed from the "big city" atmosphere, and therefore the people are still "people." They walk right up to you, make friends, invite you in for tea, drive you if you need to go somewhere, and share everything with you. At least this was my experience. I went to visit one friend, and ended leaving many. As I associated with the open-mindedness of the residents of St. John's, I was relieved to know that somewhere in the western world there was still a place that reminded me of home. As a child I would watch my mother and other neighbors exchange gifts in the form of food, clothing, and other things; and so I thought the whole world did the same. It was not until I came to the place I now live (no name required, to be politically correct), that I first learned about racism, religious differences, etc.
Well the people of Newfoundland do not fit into this category. No. I was at home; making dinners for people I had just met, sending bowl fulls to the next door neighbors, etc. One neighbor, a retired High School teacher and his wife, a high school teacher were just so endearing. Neil (the husband) drove me around the city showing me places he frequented as a young man growing up in St. John's, the school his mother went to, the Basilica of St. John the Baptist, the Battery-a series of houses built on the side of a hill, Signal hill, and other nice places in St. Johns. Kathy had me speak to her class on Sacred writings in the Vedic culture, being a monk, and understanding divinity from different angles. The students were open to hearing, and also asked very intelligent questions.
One student who stole my heart was this young boy who, after I spoke, darted out behind us. When Kathy asked where he was going, he mentioned the bathroom. Neil and I left shortly after. That evening Kathy told me: "Kesava, you wouldn't believe what happened. Remember when I asked that boy where he was going? He went to his locker, but when he returned you had left. He came back with a handful of coins from his locker-- "where did he go?" He asked. They left, I said, and he became very sad. "I brought a donation for the monk." Well, he's not here, so put your donation in the box for the water fund drive. "No, I brought it for the monk, and I'll keep it until I see the monk again. I'm not giving another cent to that fun drive" "
Very touching. But this is Newfoundland. The people have a lot to teach, or reteach us about human relations.
On my flight back, I meditated on the prayers we say to our Spiritual Master everyday: Obeisances to you,who on Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati's order, are kindly teaching the message of Lord Caitanya to the western world, where the people are enamored with impersonalism and voidism. In other words, without personal relationship, we become lonely, and empty (impersonal and void).
Personal relationship can be cultivated when we give directly to one another instead of saying: " there's food on the table if anyone wants," or " yeah I got this, I don't need help." Personal relationships happen when we give up our fears that other living beings can harm us. No one can harm us. We are spiritual beings. I guess this will be the topic for my next blog...
One last thing. The Newfoundland adventure happened only due to the desire of one person, my friend Rikin, who lives there. So if one person can be used as a vessel to give Krsna, Imagine what we can all do if we decide to put sometime into giving Krsna to others. Put some time into being used as instruments for Krsna. Put our shopping list down for a second- " God, I want this, that and this, but how can I please you first?"
Rikin's endeavors ki Jay!
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