To All my Friends

Another year. Gone.
I sit and reflect on 2010 and realize that it was a year for growth. A year that began brightly; seeing new horizons, listening to supersoul's cautions and empowerings, learning to step into my own skin. Association of high level devotees was a highlight. I learned that to become a deeper devotee of Krsna would require utter dependence on Krsna and deeper faith in the process of Bhakti yoga. These lessons came with tests. Was I supposed to pass? Fail? What were the passing marks for each test? Temptations to revisit worlds I lived in; disgust with my own self progress- especially after being drawn by causeless mercy to dedicate myself to Krsna's cause; Krsna's agenda.
The sound of an inner voice, an external force saying "wouldn't it be nice if..."
But we walked on knowing one thing- mercy is whats keeping us even standing. Mercy from those we offended, mercy from the Parampara, mercy from Mahaprabhu's loving decision to get us all back to his lotus association. Temptations called. I answered, but the other end of the line was blank- no response. Hello?.... hello? Then after a few minutes I realized, "thanks for not answering."
But with every dark, light follows. Mercy continued to flow. Convictions that dedication to teaching, to becoming an example, dedication to march back to Krsna, convictions deepened as I stared the other allurements right in the face and saw no future in them.
New friends were made. Good friends were made. Friends were lost. I'll understand why next year perhaps.
Trying to be spiritual isn't always filled with rainbows. There are clouds as well; uncertainties that leaves one feeling vulnerable. Vulnerable is good.
Now there's another 365 to look forward to.
"I know not what the future holds
of marvel or surprise
assured alone that life or death
God's mercy underlies"
So 2010 was filled with one underlying thing- MERCY
Mercy is always there, but its certain moments of reflection that help you see that its all mercy.
On this road back home, its all mercy that pushes us along.
To those I've met anew, perhaps we'll each other get to know.
To those I lost, either through mishaps, or death, it hurts. In the bigger picture, you're still there. I see you.
Forgive me my offenses. Please.
And when tomorrow comes, Scream in, Breathe out!
Happy 2011.