Landing

As my plane lands, I try to make sure where to put my legs- where do I stand? Of course I am no pilot, so this is figurative, but one thing this year has really brought is turbulent weather. Good turbulent weather. 

At some point in my childhood I was obsessed with religious ritual; I would go to morning mass everyday, pray my rosary reverently- everything about the whole service was sort of romantic. I studied the lives of Saints. Name a saint and I could tell you how they lived. 

By the will of providence, as I grew up, that romance ended aprubtly when I was practically forbidden to go to Church. It was a subtle forbiddance, but the result was me running away to "find myself."  What I found was the Hare Krsna movement. A romance rekindled! A slightly different mood. With God as the same goal, but awe and reverence not the main point. I was fascinated to know about different ways of approaching God. Loving service was now emphasized. Now go find others who may be spinning in their own cocoons, looking for a similar experience.

So as young monks we romantically took to Krsna's movement, putting aside every other consideration the world had to offer. We were on our way back to Godhead! Young enthusiasm, leave no prisoners, onward spiritual soldiers, march against illusion's snare. It's easy to march when you have a leader in front of you, giving you goals, cheering you on, smashing you, pushing you back to Godhead. 

Then at some point the question came, " so what do YOU want to do for Krsna? What responsibilities can you take? Which shoulder would you like to lend for leaning? Who me? Oh, I thought all you big men would stick around forever and I'll just do as you command? Me? Responsibility? Ok, I guess.

So with what tools I had I scurried along, meeting and inviting others- " leave no prisoners, onward spiritual warriors!"

Then came responsibility: feed em, make sure they're trained for battle, mentally, physically, Spiritually. And then reality hit. Mistakes were made, people were pushed too pushed, etc etc. Fights were fought for the cause of the mission, and in most cases, I wondered if anyone was even listening? So came 2012. The year when it all will end, according to some. Nah, according to others. I braced myself, " if it ends, I'll go down swinging! If it doesn't, I'll stay up swinging! But something had to end. For me. Maybe not the world, maybe not the fight, maybe not even the playful-happy-go-super-lucky me! Immature enthusiasm has to die.

So the turbulence was of my own making; all my romantic conceptions placed before me. I now have to solidify them, or let them go. The love for Krsna must increase, for if I don't mend my shaky relationship with him, I am and will always remain incapable of loving anything! Krsna is the root cause of everything. So should I push? Yes, push those who need pushing. Should I march? Yes, with those who like marching. And prisoners? Yes, leave none. But only if I work in conjunction with pushing myself, marching myself, and freeing myself from illusion. 

Leave aside immaturity. Mature through chanting, through studying the map out of here (Srila Prabhupada's books), through good association, through breaking the chains that weakens the heart.

I think I'll land here:

With the conviction that love of God is in every living entity. Deep within in each heart, under the envy, the greed, the lust, the madness, the pride, the illusion, is that covered spark who knows nothing but how to love. To Truly love Krsna. And what is my duty? To amuse, to inspire to delight, to somehow other reach deep and give what was given me- a chance to have turbulences, to solidify my desire to re love Krsna, to re meet Krsna, to again have it all be about Krsna. 

I think I'll land here. 

Lessons from 2012

So far, the first 6 months of 2012 has been, what i would like to call it, a "molding by doing" 6 months. Growing in the Krsna consciousness movement, I always avoided big lessons simply by watching and observing others learn through their own lessons, how to serve Krsna. I would watch my god-siblings get chastised for spacing out, being tardy, being neglectful, or whatever it was, and would try hard not to repeat what they were chastised for. In this way I eluded chastisement by observing. Of course there were times I was also on the receiving end for something I became over confident of, or some other reason Krsna wanted me to learn something. In this way we hope to learn and advance on the spiritual path with a focus- determined focus on cutting out deeply rooted attachments to the material conception of life.
This year, the lessons has been mostly about relating to, or caring for others. When I joined the movement as a teenager, it was all about this mission to give Krsna consciousness to others, it was about the people. We woke up early, chanted, worshipped the Deity, ate, and did everything to prime ourselves for meeting people and being beacons so that through our interactions, people could awaken within themselves an interest in Krsna. As I grew, and that good old Mr. Lethargy and Mrs Complacency moved in with me, it became all about me again. And although I did the same activities, it wasn't from a perspective of "for others,". It was just routine. Or so it seemed.
So back to this year:
I got sick with hives all over my body in Vrindavan in January. Talk about purification. And up until the last week of that three week experience, I had no help from anyone; almost like the people around me were afraid they might catch whatever was happening to me. But when you're lying there for hours, you get to think. And one thing that always came to mind was what is the lesson here. Then I came to the conclusion that I was getting some purification in the dahm. True, but why? I may not know, but one lesson was, I am experiencing this so that I know what someone else is going through in case i stumble upon a new devotee in this situation.

Then I went home to Liberia after 18 years. I spent a lot of time observing my mother and her interaction with others, trying to get a glimpse into my roots- why do I behave a certain way. Sharing Krsna consciousness was always simple for me because growing up I saw my family invite so many people in. There are five us, biologically, but umpteen of us, nurtured and cared for by my mother. There was always, and still is, 18 years later, at least 4 or 5 other people living with us, cared for equally, etc etc. So the asram atmosphere was simple, at least in my head; invite people in, care for them, and now, add Krsna. And give them knowledge so that they can become fearless in the material ocean. One statement I heard my mom say this year: "if you speak truthfully, you are protected by that truth and God."
I learned to be more grateful to people who open their houses to me, and to be clear in my communication. I come from a different country and culture, and so sometimes, although speaking English, some things said could be taken completely out of context- and used against you!

About time and dealing with people, I learned that we have limited time when introducing a new person to Krsna consciousness. For whatever time you have their attention, give them Krsna, be a medium. I'm not there to be psychologist, or fix-you-upper. No. I'm there to show the benefits of focused consciousness- to the extent that I have experienced it. To create good fortune for others, just as someone did for me 15 years ago.
I really learned through some not so good experiences not to waste time. You snooze, you loose. If someone is inspired to do some service, and they approach you, and you have a capacity or facility to help them, do it. Don't hesitate. They slip out of your hands like a castle built upon a sandy beach! *gone too soon* So I have to be sharp and learn urgency. I have seen many young enthusiastic people looking for something to do, and then fall away with the flickering mind simply because I was preoccupied with something else.
Most importantly, as this year goes on with its lessons, I am learning that Krsna is the driving force behind it all. Yes it's hard to see him in everything, and something I see him after the fact that I fell face flat into some fresh cow dung :). Deep inside, as I go through certain experiences and still keep a small spark of hope that it too shall pass, and learn available lessons, I see that Krsna is teaching me like the mother in law teaching the daughter in law by using the daughter as medium.
I must say I can't claim to be that intimate with Krsna, but I want to be; to be dedicated to his mission one hundred percent. And it will happen in due course. And yes it scares the living daylights out of me to ask such a thing, because the cutting of material consciousness isn't pretty.
But in the end, everything will be OK. And if its not OK, its not the end :) 

Be Sure, Be Specific

Imagine, (or just look around and observe) a person in the process of buying a house, a car, a computer; their main concern is the lifetime of said product: how long will it last, how much happiness will I derive from it, what are the specs? Home buyers do termite checks, fire proof test, plumbing, lead poisoning check. Computer lovers look for their requirements, Car buyers look for something as well. People want to invest in something genuine based on information they receive from the authority. Authority gives assurance and faith that the product will fulfill one's desire, and therefore one puts his faith in such authority and purchases the product. The more specific information is, the more one is at ease, or to put it another way, the more one's mind is freed from having to fill in blank spaces.

Now imagine a situation where you went to purchase something say, a car, and the dealer goes into a "don't know, not sure, selling as is, you can't take this car off the lot to test it, maybe, perhaps" rant. A smart buyer would look for something else. ( I should especially know this because I once bought an "as is" car, and after 20 hours, in New Mexico, the car, at a rest stop, rested "as was"). I just wanted something to get me on the road, and being passionate about it, the intelligence didn't kick in.

The Bhagavad gita tells that in this world there is nothing more wonderful as transcendental knowledge which is the fruit of all mysticism, and one who has such knowledge relishes that fruit in due course of time. For both materialists and spiritualists, transcendental knowledge is beneficial. For someone attracted to what the material atmosphere has to offer, Vedic literature like Bhagavad Gita As it is gives detailed information on how a person can live peacefully under certain conditions. This knowledge, when applied properly, will certainly give desired results. For the spiritualist, different stages and processes of self realization is offered, so that at every step in spiritual cultivation, one can also peacefully follow, and see tangible results.

Mental speculation leads to a little more mental speculation, which leads to a little more, and so forth. In such an atmosphere it is very hard to derive deep satisfaction. The mind always wants something more; maybe I should have married her instead, maybe I should have bought that instead, I'm not sure if it'll work, but try it, in theory, this is like this. While watching the news at my brothers house a few weeks ago, the news reporter when asked about a murder trial going on, and what would be the out come responded: " i don't know, but what I can say is maybe...". In this way, I realized, people are always kept on edge. Specificity does not go well in a consumer culture. If things were specific, people would take it and be satisfied. This is not a culture where satisfaction is "guaranteed, or your money back"; and in most cases, when satisfaction is not achieved, you don't get your money back because you threw the product across the room or something. Version 4 of one product comes out and in 6 months, here comes version 5; now watch as consumers abandon their previous versions and rush to various marts, at risks of stampeding over and killing employees of said marts, to fulfill a hole created by the mind- " YOU REALLY NEEEEEDDD THIS! "

So how does one spread a culture of satisfaction in an atmosphere of dissatisfaction? Do you just jump out of the race and move to pleasantville? Do you riot and destroy everything those bad bad people tricked you into? Do you Occupy Earth Street? What to do?
Well, may I suggest looking at where most of the issue started- the mind. take what you have, and from that platform be satisfied. Hear from authorities how to move forward and fulfill your desires. The thing vedic authorities do recommend is giving up the process of mental speculation. Such authorities facilitate not just a good use of your mind and intelligence, but under proper guidance one will blossom as a true individual spirit soul. Ask questions, put the answers into practice, experience the result. Whether your desires are spiritual, material, or you're just the neutral guy in the crowd, the highest authority has given such guides and instructions so that each person can walk away satisfied and assured. Perhaps* we can call it your " one stop specific know it all shop."
I am convinced that this is the heart of the matter- a need to be secure, sure, safe (that over used word), and to fulfill such needs, we have to match it with secure, sure and safe products.
Good morning :)