Yes, PULL!
That is the feeling I got after I woke up from this evening's nap. I am about to drive a few ungodly hours to the divine ISV (Iskcon Silicon Valley, or Iskcon Sankirtan Village, as I prefer to call it) and get the association of the great souls who live there. Krsna reminds me through that "pull" from within, that the reason for visiting holy places is not to just see the place, but to hear from the sadhus who live there, associate with them, aspire to BE like them; less one still remains a cow or an ass.
I am pulled from within to BE a devotee of Krsna, and not just go through the emotional joy ride of the "look" of a devotee. You know, that feeling one gets when the dhottis fits just right today, and the chaddar hangs quite well, even as you're dancing in kirtan bliss. I guess it can be applied to saris too, but I wouldn't know much about that in this life time. I did wear a sari for a play, it was worn as a dhotti, and felt quit nice and flowy..... (ok, back to the pull)
When there is proper hearing in the association of devotees, and especially a point that is made again and again, there just must, at least for me I'll speak, be contemplation. Contemplation must be followed by a resolve, a desire to act! This is where one's romantic love story turns into ________ (insert your super hero of choice) and one is faced with wild adventures.
The journey within is far more action packed than the hour, or four, depending on if you watched the extended version, of your Lord of the Rings, Harry Porter, or Temple of Doom. That person who looks so effulgent outside is now faced with the dark road inside. Envy, pride, madness, you name it, they're there to greet you! And the king of the castle, that eternal enemy known as Dr. Evil, wrong screenplay, that eternal enemy known as LUST, is there hiding in the very fabric of your existence. When you thought your had him down by tight sadhana, he popped up in the form of the desire from profit, fame and distinction. So day by day you fight. You dicide that " I want to go back to Krsna, and serve him." Serve him? I guess so. So my lofty idea of wanting to be a cowherd boy or a gopi, or Father Yasoda has to be based on service? PHEW... pause....
Yes, the person I am most envious of and most lusty towards is that person named Krsna, that spy who loves me, that guy who unlike my most beloved wife, son, daughter, friend or whoever, will do anything for me. He'll even sit there with me in the bathroom during my cleaning moments. Actually without his help I wouldn't know what to clean, or where to clean. He even accompanies the worm in that cleansed substance that was just dropped off at the pool; I mean seriously, has your other half fulfilled that part in the "for better or worse" clause?
So why am I envious of such a person? Because I want to be like him, equal to him, I want to BE him. And all I seem to do over the years, or lifetimes, is to make blunders and show how I'll never be him, because he is One without a Second.
So with humility and a resolution to free myself from all this dust accumulated for years on end, I decide to go with the pull, to be a devotee, and not just look like one. To sing for Krsna's pleasure, and not to hear myself thinking that I am singing so nicely. To give Krsna to others and step out of the way, less I contiminate them with my own god project, which wouldn't work anyways since they're on a god project journey of their own.
To finish this rambling, we have embarked on this journey back to sanity, and when Krsna comes in, everyone else, even that lust guy, has to pack up and leave. They all become squatters, and Krsna needs the whole heart, all four chambers, to himself..and you. But like before, he is always there with us at every step. He carries what we lack, and preserves what we have, and he knows how deep we really want to go. He'll take us no further if we don't want it.
This is Krsna. Wonderful Krsna.
"O son of Maharaja Nanda (Krsna), I am Your eternal servitor, yet somehow or other I have fallen into the ocean of birth and death. Please pick me up from this ocean of death and place me as one of the atoms at Your lotus feet."
That is the feeling I got after I woke up from this evening's nap. I am about to drive a few ungodly hours to the divine ISV (Iskcon Silicon Valley, or Iskcon Sankirtan Village, as I prefer to call it) and get the association of the great souls who live there. Krsna reminds me through that "pull" from within, that the reason for visiting holy places is not to just see the place, but to hear from the sadhus who live there, associate with them, aspire to BE like them; less one still remains a cow or an ass.
I am pulled from within to BE a devotee of Krsna, and not just go through the emotional joy ride of the "look" of a devotee. You know, that feeling one gets when the dhottis fits just right today, and the chaddar hangs quite well, even as you're dancing in kirtan bliss. I guess it can be applied to saris too, but I wouldn't know much about that in this life time. I did wear a sari for a play, it was worn as a dhotti, and felt quit nice and flowy..... (ok, back to the pull)
When there is proper hearing in the association of devotees, and especially a point that is made again and again, there just must, at least for me I'll speak, be contemplation. Contemplation must be followed by a resolve, a desire to act! This is where one's romantic love story turns into ________ (insert your super hero of choice) and one is faced with wild adventures.
The journey within is far more action packed than the hour, or four, depending on if you watched the extended version, of your Lord of the Rings, Harry Porter, or Temple of Doom. That person who looks so effulgent outside is now faced with the dark road inside. Envy, pride, madness, you name it, they're there to greet you! And the king of the castle, that eternal enemy known as Dr. Evil, wrong screenplay, that eternal enemy known as LUST, is there hiding in the very fabric of your existence. When you thought your had him down by tight sadhana, he popped up in the form of the desire from profit, fame and distinction. So day by day you fight. You dicide that " I want to go back to Krsna, and serve him." Serve him? I guess so. So my lofty idea of wanting to be a cowherd boy or a gopi, or Father Yasoda has to be based on service? PHEW... pause....
Yes, the person I am most envious of and most lusty towards is that person named Krsna, that spy who loves me, that guy who unlike my most beloved wife, son, daughter, friend or whoever, will do anything for me. He'll even sit there with me in the bathroom during my cleaning moments. Actually without his help I wouldn't know what to clean, or where to clean. He even accompanies the worm in that cleansed substance that was just dropped off at the pool; I mean seriously, has your other half fulfilled that part in the "for better or worse" clause?
So why am I envious of such a person? Because I want to be like him, equal to him, I want to BE him. And all I seem to do over the years, or lifetimes, is to make blunders and show how I'll never be him, because he is One without a Second.
So with humility and a resolution to free myself from all this dust accumulated for years on end, I decide to go with the pull, to be a devotee, and not just look like one. To sing for Krsna's pleasure, and not to hear myself thinking that I am singing so nicely. To give Krsna to others and step out of the way, less I contiminate them with my own god project, which wouldn't work anyways since they're on a god project journey of their own.
To finish this rambling, we have embarked on this journey back to sanity, and when Krsna comes in, everyone else, even that lust guy, has to pack up and leave. They all become squatters, and Krsna needs the whole heart, all four chambers, to himself..and you. But like before, he is always there with us at every step. He carries what we lack, and preserves what we have, and he knows how deep we really want to go. He'll take us no further if we don't want it.
This is Krsna. Wonderful Krsna.
"O son of Maharaja Nanda (Krsna), I am Your eternal servitor, yet somehow or other I have fallen into the ocean of birth and death. Please pick me up from this ocean of death and place me as one of the atoms at Your lotus feet."
